Idiot, idiot, IDIOT!

Someone smack me. I am such an idiot. I've ruined this cycle. (And I'm not just being dramatic, I've talked to the doctor.)

Okay, so last night I go to do my shots. I replace the vial in the Follistim pen, as it is almost empty. (When I started the shots on Monday, I noticed that I still had an almost full vial in the pen from last IVF cycle that I had kept in the fridge, so I went ahead and used it up.) As I'm replacing it, I notice how it says on the new packaging that once the rubber stopper has been pierced, the medicine is only good for 28 days. Ummmm...it's been 5 months. I tried not to freak out about it, and figured I'd just talk to the doc about it. After all, it was only 2 days.

Apparently, 2 critical days. When they looked at my right ovary, I had 4 nice looking follicles. The doc seemed positive. Then the left. A cyst (which we knew about) and one giant follie. He said the meds likely weren't as effectove and this was just nature taking it's course by producing one dominant follicle. He said we'd probably convert to an IUI this time and then start over again with IVF. Clearly, even he doesn't think the IUI will work. I didn't cry until I got out to my car.

I'm so mad at myself. There was NO NEED for me to use the old meds. Insurance covers them. I just hate wasting anything. Now I've wasted this whole cycle. How could I be so dumb?! There's so little I have control over with all this - and this is the one thing I could control. And I screwed it up.

I know it's not the end of the world. We still have 2 IVF cycles covered by insurance, so I know I'm luckier than most. Michael says I shouldn't beat myself up about this because there's nothing I can do about it now. I know he's right, but I'm still angry with me. I feel like he's wasting his trip up here on a stupid IUI. And I have no idea timing-wise when we'll be able to do IVF.

I go back in for more bloodwork and another ultrasound on Saturday morning. The doc didn't say we'd definitely convert, but he was giving me the heads up. I should know more then. Oh, and they'll call me about the bloodwork today, but I have no idea what to expect from that.