All Over the Place

I've started about 6 different posts in my head - so this might be a little all over the place.

Yesterday afternoon, I met 2 girls from high school (who I probably haven't seen in just as long) for coffee. It was so interesting to hear about their lives and the paths that they have been on. We all have different stuff - but we all definitely have baggage. They were both very open about their lives, so you know I was too. One of the girls has an older brother who was one of the cool, popular guys in high school. After I told them about doing our second IVF, she told me that he and his wife were also having problems. I was shocked - and I don't know why. What - did I think the cool kids couldn't possibly suffer from IF?! How ridiculous. If I have some sort of preconceived notion, imagine what those who don't struggle with IF must think. Wow. I had to snap myself out it.

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I've been depressed the past few days. I finally realized what it was today when I nearly couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. (Of course, the dreary weather didn't help). I know it's the progesterone. I'm trying to take good care of myself, but it doesn't help that I can't exercise. That is usually my outlet. I'm constantly exhausted and have to force myself to do anything. Let's hope this passes once the progesterone is done. If not, I'll be back on the hunt for a therapist. (I actually might do that anyway...)

Despite this funk, I actually am doing okay in this two-week wait. Unlike most people, I LIKE the limbo time. I know, I'm crazy. I'm not counting down the days until April 8th. I'm dreading April 8th. Right now, I'm "pregnant until proven otherwise". I'm enjoying that. I don't want to be proven otherwise. And even if I AM pregnant, I'll have a whole new set of things to worry about with that result. So, I'm liking this in-between stage. If that makes any sense at all.

Who knows. Maybe I'm depressed AND crazy. Now there's a combo. Maybe I should warn my poor co-workers...

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Saturday night, I volunteered at the shelter. Nothing like working at a domestic violence shelter to put your own problems in perspective. I obviously can't share anything specific about these womens' stories, but there was a situation involving the loss of a child. I wept. Truly wept for this woman. Which is why this is my volunteer job and not my actual job. I couldn't handle that on a daily basis to pay my mortgage. My actual job still involves incredibly sad stories, but I'm more removed as I don't work directly with the families. For me, that makes a difference.

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I haven't done my Unsung Lullabies posts. I'm finding it hard to read that book right now. Which is probably exactly when I NEED to be reading it.

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So - some of you may have noticed a date listed above. This time, I put it out there. My pregnancy test is on April 8th. Please don't call me to ask the results. I promise I will post here as soon as I am able. Thanks.