So much for positive thinking.
Last night, Michael and I went to see Jackopierce at the Birchmere with Ashley & Tom. We had a great time (awesome show, by the way). As I was sitting there enjoying myself - I just had this feeling come over me that I was NOT pregnant. It wasn't a sad feeling - it was just a feeling. A strangely peaceful feeling. I don't know what prompted it. Maybe that I'm not feeling any different and I feel like I should "just know" if I'm actually pregnant. I know that is crazy. I know most people have no idea.
My step-mom thinks it could just be me preparing myself mentally for bad news - just in case. Which could totally be true.
We do have a plan if this IVF didn't work. (You know me - I like a plan!) We'll be taking a break from all this for the holidays and starting back up in January. Since we can't travel during an IVF cycle, and I don't relish the thought of being pumped full of hormones during the holidays, it only makes sense. It will actually be nice to have another break - I'm remembering our summer break fondly.
So - while I feel like I'm not pregnant - I'm not actually all that negative. Odd, right?
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4 comments:
Plans are a good thing!
While it is true that some ladies feel or "know" they are pg, I think the vast majority don't - else why the need for HPTs? I think your "feeling" is definitely a self defense and coping mechanism - I've got my fingers crossed that you don't need it! :-)
I totally understand. I always need a plan too. It really really helps the "lost" feeling.
Best wishes hon!
Oh, honey... I think Cindy may be right. I can only imagine how hard it is to try to be indifferent about all this while you wait. Tom and I both thought you looked amazing on Saturday and noticed how happy you and Michael are with each other. That in itself speaks volumes. I love you.
like everyone else, i hope beyond hope that your feeling is wrong and only happened to protect yourself. we are all in your corner. and, like everyone else, i'm thrilled you havea plan - which of course i hope doesn't have to be put into action. big xoxox.
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