I had dinner with Jen, my friend from grad school on Saturday night. We had a nice time hanging out and chatting over pizza & beer. She casually asked if I was updating my blog monthly - a not so subtle hint that I've been a bad blogger! ;) I guess if I updated more regularly, these posts wouldn't be so disjointed and filled with random things.
The thing is that before, when we were going through fertility treatments, I had updates. I had follicle reports to post. Now, it's just my everyday life. Which really isn't all that interesting to read about. Although, now that I think about it, I guess the follicle report really wasn't all that interesting either... I'll try to post more, but I'm not promising "interesting".
I'm actually feeling more like myself than I have in the past 3 years. I started my period on Saturday, but there were no tears around it. No lost hope. Even though the doctor has said we have a less than 1% chance of ever getting pregnant on our own, I still wonder each and every month. With Michael being 800 miles away, there's nothing to wonder about. Maybe that's the silver lining of having to be separated from my husband? Not having the question of whether or not this month might be the miracle month. (I was convinced that we were going to be one of the couples you hear about who gets pregnant on a break against all odds. And believe it or not, a little piece of me still thinks that.) I guess that's the difference between a less than 1% chance and a ZERO percent chance, huh?
My mom recently asked me if I'd found a new therapist. It wasn't until she asked that I realized I haven't felt like I needed a therapist in awhile. That's either progress or denial. I feel good. Aside from missing Michael, I feel happy. I still think the trip to Atlanta had a lot to do with my state of mind. Funny how a little time out of your element can give you so much perspective. I'll probably need to find a new therapist at some point, but for now, I'm pretty darn content with me.
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4 comments:
I'm glad. :)
I haven't looked for a new therapist either. I find my blogging more helpful I think, and it costs nothing! ;)
xoxo
Allison--I learned about your blog from your Aunt Margie, who is the siter of a dear friend of mine (Liz). My co-authors and I were honored and pleased that you found the book helpful and that you initiated the online discussion. We were wondering if you would mind if we mentioned your blog site in the monthly online newsletter that we publish. We think that many people would find your story and your comments helpful. We also have a website--www.reproductivepsych.org, where we present an "Article of the Month,", a link to the book and other helpful resources, as well as a place for people to write in their own reproductive stories. (If you would like to include our site on your resource list, please feel free to do so.)
Anyway, I hope that you receive this. I couldn't find an email address for you, and as I have never posted on a blog before, I am not sure I did it right. My personal email is mdiam@san.rr.com. Let me know what you think about mentioning your blog in our newsletter. Thanks so much.
Martha Diamond, Ph.D.
Center for Reproductive Psychology
I completely understand. In the months where Walter's illness prevented us from even dtd, I felt sad because I had no opportunity. And I felt relieved because there was no opportunity. Hope is, I think, a wicked witch, not a good witch.
Way cool that you got an author comment Allison!
And to Dr. Diamond - if you read this again, thanks so much for caring enough to do all that you do. Your book was invaluable for many many men and women.
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