Just when I think I've gotten to be so well-adjusted...
BAM - a hormonal (not even drug-induced, mind you) moment hits me like a ton of bricks.
Yesterday I went to the Farmer's Market after kickboxing. I saw a girl that I am friendly with at work, but only see her about once a month during this meeting we're both in. I hadn't seen her for awhile for some reason, and I stopped to say hello. She introduced me to her husband and 2 adorable children who all wanted to chatter to me at the same time - including the husband! They were so funny. The husband was in the middle of a story when the little girl (probably around 6) grabs my hand and excitedly says, "guess what's growing in my mommy's tummy?!"
Sucker punch.
I had noticed she had gained some weight, but as (I think it was) Dave Berry said - do not ever infer that a woman is pregnant unless you see a baby emerging from her at that very moment. Given the number of times that my age + an empire-waist top has made people at work speculate on my own status - I didn't let my mind go there with her. Well, that and I don't particularly want to think about other people being pregnant. Anyway - I was surprised by how much this little cherub's pronouncement affected me.
The little girl did tell me she'd only like the baby if it was a girl. Oh, the things I DON'T envy. ;-)
Anyway, I got the reason for my hormonal reaction today - my period. I feel better knowing there is a reason, but when does it get better? It's not even like there was ANY chance that I was pregnant given that I haven't seen Michael since April. Do I just resign myself to feeling this way every month for the rest of my life? Leering at innocent, happy-looking pregnant women like they have done something intentionally and personally to me? Or is it because there is no resolution? Maybe once we either get pregnant, adopt, or decide on a child-free existence - that will serve as some sort of closure for me. I sure hope so. I hate these hormonal moments.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Way too many details about our quest for a child of our own.
The Follicle Report
About This Blog - I began this blog to have one place to inform friends and family about our fertility treatments. Eventually, I expanded it to others I met on-line who were struggling too. Now, there are links here from other blogs, so there are people I don't necessarily know reading this. I welcome anyone and everyone who's interested.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
Resource List
- Center for Reproductive Psychology (from the authors of Unsung Lullabies)
- Stirrup Queens & Sperm Palace Jesters - blog of all IF blogs
- RESOLVE Info for Friends & Family
- Thyroid Disease & Fertility
- Shady Grove Fertility
- IVF Overview
- Hormone Level Chart
- Infertility Awareness - "Empty Arms" Slideshow
- NY Times Article on Infertility
Infertility Dictionary
- ART - Alternative Reproductive Technologies (for example IUI, IVF, etc.)
- ER - Egg Retrieval (surgery to remove the eggs from my ovaries for IVF)
- ET - Embryo Transfer (putting the embryo from the petri dish into my uterus)
- Follicle - sack that releases the egg
- HSG - Hysterosalpingogram (test to make sure tubes are clear)
- IF - Infertility (or Infertile)
- Injectables - shots in the tummy to stimulate my ovaries to produce more/better eggs
- IUI - Intrauterine Insemination (aka - turkey baster method)
- IVF - In Vitro Fertilization (aka Petri Dish method)
- RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist (fertility doctor)
- The Wand - Transvaginal Ultrasound
- TTC - Trying to conceive
2 comments:
Aw man.I know how awful that is. I wish it could end for both of us.
ew. that was a sucker punch. that may be the worst way to find that out, actually. hugs.
are for closure - i'm not sure how it works. my cousin who moved past IF through adoption said that while she still resents all of the IF stuff she had to go through (multiple rounds of cancelled/failed IVFs) they are not active thoughts - they only emerge once in a while. she does actively despise the attention society places on pregnant women (i.e. expectant mother parking spaces) but in all she has WAY MORE good to great days than bad days. i do think pregnancy announcements still bother her but they sting a heck of a lot less now that she has chosen her path after IF.
i'm not sure if that helps or annoys...just what one woman has told me about her experience from across the IF abyss.
Post a Comment