I Needed That

I don't think I told you all WHY I was getting to see Michael. (The visit was wonderful, by the way. Leslie - sorry I missed you this time.)

A few months ago, my boss sent me an e-mail about this National Child Welfare Leadership Institute that was going on around the country. I told her it was just too much right now (I was practicing saying "no") with the IVF stuff, the dog, Michael being gone, etc. She was really disappointed, so - not being one who relishes others' disappointment in me, I looked into it a bit more. (Guess I still need to work on that whole "no" thing...) Turns out, the session I was geographically supposed to go to in Philly was full, but they had some slots open in Atlanta "if I didn't mind going there instead". Since Atlanta is only about 2 and a half hours from Michael, I didn't have to think too hard.

So, I left on Wednesday to go see Michael, spent a wonderful (although too short) few days with him and then he drove me up to Stone Mountain, GA on Sunday. I was nervous. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know what to expect. All I had was an e-mail telling me to be there at 5 PM in casual attire and that all food and lodging were covered.

When I walked in, there were people sitting at tables chatting. One of the instructors for the week greeted me and told me to have a seat. There was one table where a woman was sitting by herself dutifully reading the training manual they had sent us in advance. I chose the seat next to her and asked if she minded. She looked up with the warmest smile and I knew I'd picked the right seat. She turned out to be one of the most incredible women I have ever met and I see us being friends long into the future.

We're really an unlikely pair. She was a teen mom. I'm infertile. She went to college on a full basketball scholarship. Ummm... I don't think I need to say anything here, as I'm Mrs. Pushing 5'4" and Uncoordinated. She's African-American. I'm White. She has absolute full faith in God and His Plan. I'm questioning Him right now. None of those things seemed to matter - or rather, maybe they strengthened our draw to one another.

After dinner that first night, she and I were walking back to our rooms. We could hear some live music coming from somewhere in the distance. She said - "Change your shoes and let's go find that music" - so off we went. Turns out, it was the Latino Festival that was just wrapping up. It was just something I never would have done. It was good to get outside of my comfort zone. I needed that.

The next day, she convinced me to go running with her. For those of you who don't know me in real life, I am NOT a runner. Much less a runner who could keep up with a basketball player. She said she's gained some weight due to stress and wants to get back in shape, so surprisingly, I could actually keep up with her. We ran together 2 days of the week and hiked together 2 other days. I took a hike around the mountain by myself on the day that most people recovered from our night out. I couldn't NOT hike in a place as beautiful as where we were. I needed that time alone. The exercise was good for my body, the being outside in nature was good for my soul. I needed that.

The whole week was about reflection and gaining perspective in your professional life. Which I did get. But I also got some perspective in my personal life, which I didn't expect. It was so nice to be away from everything familiar. No one there knew me. They didn't know about my struggles with infertility. I did tell a few people, but I didn't feel the NEED to tell every single person who asked if I had kids. I didn't feel like I had to be the ambassador for all infertiles and wear my infertility like a badge. I told people when it was relevant. I wasn't ashamed, but I also didn't want it to define me. And it didn't. This was the one week in the past 3 years when infertility didn't define who I was or what I did.

It was good to get outside of myself for a change. I needed that.