Mother's Day is usually a tough day for those of us with infertility. This is the first year that it had the potential to be sort of tough for ME. The past few years, I have spent the day focused on honoring my mother and step-mother. I kept myself so busy and focused that I didn't really have time to bemoan my own non-mother status. This year, my mom is living in Florida and we celebrated Mother's Day last night with my step-mom. That left me all alone with myself for today.
Instead of feeling sorry for myself (which I already told you I am sick of), I decided to make today a day for me. I decided to indulge in things that I couldn't do if I actually was a mother. (Which - for you moms out there - I realize that is pretty much everything, but please keep that to yourselves.) I decided to appreciate my childless status for once. I slept in. I took Uno on a long walk. I came home and made a pot of coffee and blueberry pancakes - just for me! I read my book. I appreciated silence. I went to yoga. (I also did some vacuuming and laundry, but that was just so I wouldn't have to do it during the week. Plus, I'm sure those tasks are harder with little ones in the mix.)
It was a good reminder that I am in charge of how I deal with my infertility. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not happy to be without children. But I can at least spend some time appreciating what I do have. I guess you could say that I took some time to smell the roses today. Hopefully, I can do that more often and keep some perspective, rather than spending so much energy focused on what I DON'T have.
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3 comments:
Good for you! I spent most of the morning wallowing and even crying...but then I shook it off, cleaned out my closet and hit the mall to replace some of the outdated items I'd just purged. I, too, decided to celebrate me and treated myself.
And here's a tip, the mall is amazingly quiet on mother's day.
Giantspeedbump
Wow, I admire your ability to change your attitude. Infertility can be so overwhelming it can be hard to appreciate what we have. It usually takes a slap in the face for me to do it. Thanks for the gentle reminder.
This was a great post and very similar to how I've been dealing with MD. Last year I bought myself a MD present - the tiniest cutest designer purse I could find. I bought this because a few weeks before a friend of mine remarked on the small purse I was carrying - she said, "it's a good thing you're not a mom because you'd have to give up your little tiny cute purses." Grrr. Of all the...
Anyway, I thought MD wouldn't be hard this year but I was wrong. It just seems to be a day, an event, when people seem to lose their sensitivity towards others and forget that MD is difficult for so many. I think I am permanently changed from my infertility experiences and I'll always see MD as a day to think of mothers with empty arms.
I'm really impressed with your perspective.
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