In Africa, Hope for the Stigmatized: Fertility Clinics
So, is it wrong that my very first thought was NOT that I should be thankful I was born in America - it was, "I wonder where I could find a dead sparrow..."?
On a serious note, I AM thankful that women in many countries have other purposes besides child-bearing. But at the same time, I still feel like women ARE stigmatized for not having children, even here in the great U S of A. Think about it - what's one of the FIRST question people ask when you first meet them?
"So, do you have kids?"
It's a conversation starter - because most people say yes, then you chat about the kids and how old they are and what they're doing, etc. But when you say "no", people are stymied. They don't know how to follow that up and so I've had mostly inappropriate responses to that answer. I've had someone actually turn around and begin talking to someone else - making me feel as if I truly had nothing to offer. I've had someone begin just talking about their own children - implying they didn't really care about my answer in the first place. I've had someone ask me if I just didn't LIKE children. I've had someone ask me directly "why not?" - which isn't exactly an easy question to answer. And of course, there are those who give you the pitiful look and then try to fix it by giving you ridiculous advice like telling you to just relax or go on vacation or telling you about their friend who did XYZ and got pregnant.
It's not okay to not have children. Not here, not in Africa, not anywhere. And while women do more here than just reproduce, there is still a stigma if you are a woman, but not a mother. Having children is still an expectation. There's a wonderful woman I work with who has a painting in her office of a mother with child that says "I'm a mother, therefore I am." So I guess I'm... not?
A quote at the end of the article really struck me describing the society and their perception of women as property:
"Like a table with one leg gone wobbly is a useless table, if a woman cannot produce, she is a useless woman."
I am thankful that I am not seen as property. I am thankful that I can have a career, a fulfilling life without children. I just don't think we are as progressive as a society as we'd like to think. Sadly, I identified with the women in this article. And I think there's part of me that feels like a useless table, even if no one is directly telling me that.
3 comments:
Oh, that's nice: a woman with a fertility problem is like a damaged table. Fuck that.
Questions about children from strangers and co-workers have always, and will continue to, annoy me greatly. It's a terrible conversation starter regardless of status.
Yep, I hear ya. It is hard not to feel a little bit defective at least some of the time. But it does suck that society 'encourages' us to feel that way.
I understand. It is really hard not to question yourself... as a woman... I *know* my value to this world is not held in my uterus. But sometimes I *feel* like it is. :(
(((HUGS)))
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