Since April, this blog hasn't had a thing to do with follicles. It's more of an update on the physical and mental health of Allison. I hope at some point to get back to talking about follicles. But not now. Yesterday marked the beginning of Cycle #50. (Fifty - that even SOUNDS wrong.)
Moving on, I realized that many of my posts are when I'm feeling needy or down. It's like I use this space to vent - it's my therapy. After all, what is therapy but a time to realize and express your feelings. The blog is just saving me time off work and $100 / hour. But I realize that reading my inner-most thoughts of sadness and despair can make some of you worry about me. I know telling you not to worry is like telling me not to be upset that I'm infertile. But writing about my feelings helps me. I do plan to find another therapist. Honest.
My plan is to shop around for a good therapist before Michael comes home. We are going to need to see someone together in order to decide on Plan B. Although, maybe with our history, Plan B should really be considered Plan A - because let's face it... the odds are not great on this last IVF working. So, we'll have to figure out if we want to look into adoption or decide to live child free. Right now, Michael doesn't want to do the former and I don't want to do the latter. So clearly, a therapist is a necessary thing for us. (And probably a good thing for me in the meantime.)
Since I'm usually writing about sad feelings, I figured I'd tell you about some good feelings I had today. Uno and I took a long, wonderful walk tonight. The sky was incredible. I wish I'd had a camera, but I don't think pictures could have captured it. There were storms in neighboring jurisdictions, but our sky was bright blue with HUGE puffy white clouds. It was the kind of sky that made you want to lay in the grass or spin around like when you were a little kid and look up. The clouds started to turn pink around the edges, and that's when I noticed the sunset on the horizon - the sun was this bright burnt orange sphere sinking into a sea of pink. It was beautiful and peaceful - the kind of evening that just makes you happy to be on this earth.
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Way too many details about our quest for a child of our own.
The Follicle Report
About This Blog - I began this blog to have one place to inform friends and family about our fertility treatments. Eventually, I expanded it to others I met on-line who were struggling too. Now, there are links here from other blogs, so there are people I don't necessarily know reading this. I welcome anyone and everyone who's interested.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
Resource List
- Center for Reproductive Psychology (from the authors of Unsung Lullabies)
- Stirrup Queens & Sperm Palace Jesters - blog of all IF blogs
- RESOLVE Info for Friends & Family
- Thyroid Disease & Fertility
- Shady Grove Fertility
- IVF Overview
- Hormone Level Chart
- Infertility Awareness - "Empty Arms" Slideshow
- NY Times Article on Infertility
Infertility Dictionary
- ART - Alternative Reproductive Technologies (for example IUI, IVF, etc.)
- ER - Egg Retrieval (surgery to remove the eggs from my ovaries for IVF)
- ET - Embryo Transfer (putting the embryo from the petri dish into my uterus)
- Follicle - sack that releases the egg
- HSG - Hysterosalpingogram (test to make sure tubes are clear)
- IF - Infertility (or Infertile)
- Injectables - shots in the tummy to stimulate my ovaries to produce more/better eggs
- IUI - Intrauterine Insemination (aka - turkey baster method)
- IVF - In Vitro Fertilization (aka Petri Dish method)
- RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist (fertility doctor)
- The Wand - Transvaginal Ultrasound
- TTC - Trying to conceive
1 comment:
I'm glad you had such a nice evening!
I know what you mean. I often think people probably think I'm a nutcase b/c I post mostly when I'm either very sad, or euphoric and calm. Between the 2, I must seem a bit manic. But they have to remember that these are just tiny snippets of our thought processes. If people stop to think of all the times they've been very sad, and if they had actually opened up to people about it, either in person, or in a blog, they would probably sound the same. It doesn't mean all of life is just horrible. It just means you have to let it out at that moment.
xo
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