Heartburn

Sorry I just disappeared and didn't tell you all that I would be away. I went to visit Michael in AL for the run-off election. The good news is that his candidate won! The bad news is that I'm still without my husband for another 3-4 months. But, I'll live. I'm actually heading back down south next week for work - and then tacking on some time for a visit with him again. We won't know what to do with each other, having just been together. Well, I'm sure we can figure something out. ;-)

After the election, Michael and I drove about 10 hours to vacation with my family in the affectionately named "cottage from hell" in Atlantic Beach, NC. Seriously - we love this place. It was built in 1935 and I believe that much of the furniture (including mattresses) are from that same era. There's no AC, the rusty springs in the beds poke you as you try to sleep, the bathroom is an addition on the back porch, but... it is ocean front. How could we not love it? I've been going there since I was born, but I think Michael loves it even more than me - if that is possible. I should have gotten a picture of him in the broken-down hammock, as that is where he spent 95% of his daylight hours - getting up mainly for food and bathroom breaks. There's no schedule, that great salt-air carefree feeling, happy hour every day, walks on the beach, fun in the ocean, and incredible produce from the local farm & fresh seafood. My whole family (well, except my step-mom - who secretly loves it, but loves to complain about it more) loves this place. My brother even selected it as the location to propose to his girlfriend, Katy this year. Luckily for her, he proposed before the whole fam-damily rolled in to town. We are all excited to finally have her joining our crazy clan! Every year, we take a family photo on the deck - but my dad takes those, so that means I should be getting it somewhere around Christmas...otherwise, I'd post it so you could get an idea of our view. Have I mentioned that I LOVE this place?

Aside from vacation fun, I've had a serious case of heartburn since the night before the election. Not coming and going heartburn - but pretty much continuous discomfort. I've tried a bazillion medications and nothing works. I have to take Tylenol PM in order to sleep. I went to the doctor yesterday - who did all kinds of bloodwork, wants 3 stool samples (fun, fun!), and scheduled an abdominal ultrasound to rule out gall bladder problems. Bottom line - she doesn't know what is wrong with me either. Sound familiar? The good news is that she asked me in a very concerned voice - "do you realize that you have lost 7 lbs in 3 months?". I wanted to hug her. No, I didn't realize that, but I'm damn happy about it! Although, some of that I'm sure is from having this heinous pain in the middle of my chest and not really wanting to eat. Which means some of it will come back once the pain goes away.

And then there's the other type of heartburn I'm experiencing. I guess that could be called heartache, but then the title of my post would be off. So I'm calling it heartburn. Because it's my blog and I can. (Which is Michael's favorite reason for everything - "because I can". THAT will definitely come back to haunt him if we ever have kids...) Anyway, we have some family friends that go to the beach too. And we've had some pregnancy announcements in our little circle. Which is all very awesome. (Seriously - I am totally happy for each and every one of them.) However, it does contribute to my "left in the dust" feeling. Especially when one of our friends responded to the latest announcement - "That's GREAT! Now everyone is pregnant!" Wow. Could someone remove the dagger from my chest? Thanks. I was doing so great with the announcement. Until that comment. I couldn't stop the tears as I croaked out, "well, not everyone..." Ugh. Then, I beat myself up for being upset and feel worse. It's just this vicious cycle that I can't seem to drag myself out of - happy for them, sad for me, and then mad at me for feeling anything other than pure joy at their announcements. One of my good friends, Lura says - "Allison, people are going to be getting pregnant all the time. You need to get used to that." She's right, of course, but I just don't know how.

So I have this heartburn that is from God only knows what, and then this heartburn from missing my husband, missing the child that we should already have, and trying to be purely happy for others who keep getting what I so desperately want. I'd be happy if Tums could cure any of those.