Just a quick vent. Yesterday, I had lunch with a perfectly nice woman who has a similar job as me in another county. We were chatting about our lives and she mentions that she has 2 boys who have ADHD.
Then she gives me a knowing look and says, "Well, you know, I adopted them."
Really? Because you couldn't possibly have given birth to children who had any issues? It's as though she was citing their being adopted as the reason they had ADHD. People who know nothing about adoption assume that adopted children have problems that biological children wouldn't have. What really irks me is when adoptive parents perpetuate that.
And I wonder, if I adopted a child, would I do that? Would I explain away any issues or problems my child had as being because he was genetically related to someone else? Would I want to make sure people knew it wasn't a reflection on me and my genes? I'd like to think I wouldn't. But is it something that people do without even realizing what they are doing? Is our desire to let the world know that there's nothing wrong with US that great? I don't know. But it irritates me.
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Way too many details about our quest for a child of our own.
The Follicle Report
About This Blog - I began this blog to have one place to inform friends and family about our fertility treatments. Eventually, I expanded it to others I met on-line who were struggling too. Now, there are links here from other blogs, so there are people I don't necessarily know reading this. I welcome anyone and everyone who's interested.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
About Us - We've been trying to have a baby since May 2005 and are considered to have "unexplained infertility". The only test that has ever come back abnormal on either of us diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - which all the doctors say is not impacting my fertility. We have been through 4 unsuccessful Clomid cycles, 3 unsuccessful IUIs with injectables, three unsuccessful IVF attempts and one IVF cycle converted to an IUI, also unsuccessful. We have reached the end of the road.
This is my space to share our struggles with you and to try to keep my perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for reading.
Resource List
- Center for Reproductive Psychology (from the authors of Unsung Lullabies)
- Stirrup Queens & Sperm Palace Jesters - blog of all IF blogs
- RESOLVE Info for Friends & Family
- Thyroid Disease & Fertility
- Shady Grove Fertility
- IVF Overview
- Hormone Level Chart
- Infertility Awareness - "Empty Arms" Slideshow
- NY Times Article on Infertility
Infertility Dictionary
- ART - Alternative Reproductive Technologies (for example IUI, IVF, etc.)
- ER - Egg Retrieval (surgery to remove the eggs from my ovaries for IVF)
- ET - Embryo Transfer (putting the embryo from the petri dish into my uterus)
- Follicle - sack that releases the egg
- HSG - Hysterosalpingogram (test to make sure tubes are clear)
- IF - Infertility (or Infertile)
- Injectables - shots in the tummy to stimulate my ovaries to produce more/better eggs
- IUI - Intrauterine Insemination (aka - turkey baster method)
- IVF - In Vitro Fertilization (aka Petri Dish method)
- RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist (fertility doctor)
- The Wand - Transvaginal Ultrasound
- TTC - Trying to conceive
10 comments:
I really really don't think you would. You are very enlightened.
grrrrr..... and no you wouldn't.
WOW. I can't believe that woman said that! I'm actually offended for her kids!
No, you wouldn't...because you are not ignorant. And she obviously is. I have a biological child and one whom we were blessed to adopt. I love them equally, and I honestly NEVER even think about "where" they came from. It's just not even a part of my thoughts. Someone once asked my husband if he felt differently about the two...his honest answer was "Why would I? I didn't give birth to either one of them." I love him so much for that. When someone puts a child in your arms, they become yours in every way. (For many of us, anyway.) Hope I am not out of line...but I really think you would be a great mother. And there are a lot of babies who need one. Her comment irritates me too... It doesn't sound like you're letting her get you down though. :)
Cindy from FL
Holy cow! I can't believe she said that. I can't count the number of times Evan has done something and my reaction has been, "I don't know where he gets that from," because honestly, I don't. Physical traits, personality traits, his birthmarks, the fact that he loves to blow spit bubbles and that he'd choose a Tic Tac above any other treat--it all came from somewhere, but your guess is as good as mine. That is just how kids are and you can't explain away every single thing (or anything as I'm finding out). I would hope I'd feel the same if he were adopted and not even feel the need to try and explain it. And, I can't picture you ever saying, "Well, you know, I adopted them."
that is very rude, and very insensitive. I hope she doesn't make those comments all the time and never in front of the kids.
I know you would not even think about something like that...
Giulia
PS I still read here and FB just very busy with work but hope I can see you again one day
That would really bother me too. Clearly all non-adopted children are ADHD-free...(large amounts of sarcasm).
I do struggle with wondering how I would react to different phases wondering if it is a natural childhood phase or an adoption issue. So much to consider, but I hope the considering of these things does help make the difference for how we would react.
I'm looking forward to your upcoming "feelings about adoption" post...
Sigh. I feel your irritation. Also, I don't think you'd do the same given the same circumstances. Nuh-uh.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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