I talked with my doctor today. After discussing our case with the panel, the consensus seems to be to go back to the protocol of IVF #2 next time. Which doesn't thrill me, as we only got 5 eggs and the embryos were very fragmented (i.e. not good). But, they all agreed that doing another cycle with the Lupron would result in similar results to this time (a measly 3 follicles).
In IVF #2, while I had fewer eggs and not-so-great embryo development, I had a lot more follicles. The protocol was birth control pills for 21 days, then evaluation and stims + Ganirelix. They are hoping that the higher stims this time minus the Lupron plus the Ganirelix will be the formula for success. This last cycle, I was on the highest dosage of stims they allow, so it isn't like they can up it any.
Which brings me to the title of this post. This is the first time I have been able to pin my doctor down on what the heck is wrong with me. He said it. Definitively. "Diminished Ovarian Reserve" There. A diagnosis. Something other than "Unexplained Infertility". I should be happy, right?
I always just figured a diagnosis would come with a way to fix it. But, I guess it is of some comfort to know what the problem is, even if we don't know what caused it or that there isn't any way to fix it. It is what it is, and I'd rather know than remain in the dark. At least I keep telling myself that.
But I have all these little questions in my head - should my OBGYN have been concerned early on that I was having my period every 3 weeks (for my entire LIFE)? Did that make me use my eggs faster than most women? Did all of those early fertility treatments use up all my eggs in a few foul swoops? If Diminished Ovarian Reserve is my only problem, why the heck didn't one of those early on treatments work - when I actually had some eggs?
But this diagnosis is information we didn't have before. It may not be the only thing wrong with me, but it's something we didn't know before. So, we take it for what it's worth and move on.
I don't know. I'm feeling old and dried up and crotchety. It's a good thing I have yoga tonight. I'd really rather go running (did I actually just say that?), but yoga will have to do.
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4 comments:
First, the eggs may be diminished, but you've got a whole boatload of courage and tenacity that I really admire.
Second, that diagnose thing is tough no matter what it's for. Technology changes so damn fast. About 6 months after my Dad died, I found a test that could have potentially found his heart problem. It's a stretch that it would have, but the possibility of it -- and the fact that my Dad's doctor didn't order it -- made me pretty damn angry for awhile. Hang in there and know that you've got a lot of people praying that your reserve (eggs or otherwise) stays full!
Jen Browne
wow. what a mixed bag of crap, eh?
i, too, was diagnosed with DOR - but as a couple of REs explained to me, that kind of diagnosis can really only be assessed by very targeted "testing," including doing IVF. and more than once. it sucks that it took this LONG in your treatments to get a definitive diagnosis - but given the diagnosis i am not surprised that earlier, less invasive treatments didn't (they didn't for me and they usually don't for us women with DOR). it is harder to get a good egg from us than other women w/o DOR.
i do like that the REs want you do to IVF#2 protocol again but with maximum stims. that is the standard protocol that my clinic uses for us poor responders. i know, i know, i keep comparing us, but that is the protocol that was finally successful for me. full BCPs for 3 weeks, no lupron, highest dosage of stims - 450 follistim, 150 menopur, ganirelix, and HCG10,000 trigger. it was my best response ever. like you, i had already tried long lupron and the ganirelix with no suppression.
i think this is a really great step forward. i can understand why you feel old and dried up - i did, too. just try to take care of yourself the best that you can.
I think that our society puts a lot of stock in "knowing"... so much so that we often implicitly associate "knowing" with "solving". So when that turns out not to be the reality it's really deflating. I'm sorry honey.
All this crap is so complicated in so many different ways. I'm glad you know, but not glad about what it is.
hugs.
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