There's No Crying in Kickboxing!

So apparently, those random emotional freak-outs weren't ENTIRELY due to the fertility drugs. I had one on Saturday at the end of my kickboxing class. I've been taking this class for a few years. I remember when my instructor told us she was pregnant to explain why she was modifying the moves. I rememeber thinking (at the time, blissfully ignorant about my infertility) - oh good, now I'll know how to modify when I'm pregnant and I won't have to say anything.

At the end of class Saturday when we were doing some toning moves, the instructor tells us that this one move was a pilates move - and goes on to say how that helped her more than anything else get back into shape after the birth of her daughter. I'm thinking, "ah, good to know". THEN she says - "Can you all believe my daughter is a year old now?".

That's when I lost it. I realized just how long we have been trying to have a child. Just remembering when she was first pregnant, and feeling like I'd be there soon - now knowing that her daughter is actually mobile and I'm at the same point - childless (and in WORSE physical shape to top it off). Ugh. Luckily, we were laying on mats and I had a towel I could use to hide my face and my tears. It was such a reality slap. (And I'm using the word slap instead of check on purpose. So much more fitting.)

So I guess it can't ALL be attributed to the drugs. (But when I'm back on them, I'll totally be using them as an excuse again.) ;-)

I have to admit, it has been nice not having to schedule a bazillion doctor's appointments this month, give myself shots in the stomach, or try as hard as I can to "think positively". I guess Saturday made me realize that I can take a break from the drugs and the treatments, but I can't take a break from the infertility. (If only!)

For now, Michael and I are enjoying just being. The beach trip couldn't come at a better time!