Speaking Up

I never watch TV in the morning (like I need ANOTHER excuse to be late to work), but I was traveling for work this week, and happened to catch the Today Show when they did a segment on infertility. Now, I usually am happy for ANY sort of awareness-building effort, but this one fell short for me. They covered a news anchor who struggled with infertility for 2 years. Of course, she got pregnant with twins through IVF and then had an "oops" baby a little while later with no help at all.

For some reason, this particular segment really bothered me. I think it's because every news story on infertility has a happy ending. What about those of us who never get that happy ending?

My friend, Rosa pointed out that people like us don't speak up. Which is very true. I was much more involved and vocal while I was still going through treatments - still striving for that happy ending. Now - not so much. I can think of a few reasons people like me don't speak up...

1 - We may not be ready to accept the fact that motherhood will never happen for us.
2 - We may feel like we are still grieving the losses and aren't in a good place to speak up.
3 - We don't want to subject ourselves to the "just adopt" and similar assvice that comes when we do speak up about our situations.
4 - We are busy living our lives rather than obsessing about our fertility (or lack thereof).
5 - Nobody really wants to hear about a less than perfect ending.

I think all of those apply to me. And I worry - does nobody ever speak up because they are never really okay with it? Does this hurt never go away? I want someone to speak up and say - "I never was able to have children, but I love my life and wouldn't have it any other way". The fact that I can't find that in anyone terrifies me. Will I always have this hole? Or do people just move on and never feel the need to speak up?

I also feel like people like us scare the crap out of those who are going through infertility treatments. They don't really want to hear from us because we are their worst nightmares. Everyone wants the happy ending.

I don't know - I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. Maybe I should stop thinking and start talking. Because while I do wish things had turned out differently for us, I do love my life.

*****

p.s. I got a bike! I've only been on it once in my driveway (between weather, being sick and travel), so I have a long ways to go. Still figuring out the balance thing, but it's a start!