After a bit of the run-around, I finally got the pictures from my surgery and got them to my fertility doctor. Initially, the surgeon told my dad that I had significant scar tissue in there. But, according to my doctor, after looking at the photos today, everything looks perfectly normal. I had a small cyst on one of my ovaries, but that was about it. Nothing that would cause infertility. No signs of endometriosis. Which I guess is good news / bad news. While I'm glad I'm "perfectly normal", I would have liked some reason for my infertility. Something we could fix.
I feel like the fact that I have no explainable medical condition causing my infertility gives credence to those who tell me to just relax or that it will happen once I stop thinking about it. It's just frustrating. Because I know that no amount of relaxing or not thinking about it will get me pregnant. But I have no alternate explanation. And the "just relax" suggestion implies that it's my fault that I can't get pregnant. And I know it's not, but when there's no other explanation, it feels that way sometimes.
I guess I need to come to terms with the idea that not everything is fixable. There are some things that are just out of our hands. It's funny - I've gotten there in terms of the election that Michael is involved with, but I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it fertility-wise. Both things - the election and my fertility - greatly impact my life moving forward, but somehow something that doesn't have to do with my body is easier to say - what will be, will be.
Michael's arm isn't broken from the car accident, so that is good - just badly bruised. He's still waiting to hear about whether the car is totalled. I can't believe that I actually get to see him in a couple of days. I can't believe that this is all about to be over and we can get back to our lives together. Someone pinch me!
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6 comments:
There is something about being "unexplained" that make IF that much harder to deal with then not. I did have scar tissue and some "mild" endo but "nothing at would (could?) cause my IF" and felt the same as you do now. No amount of relaxing will cause either you or I to get pregnant. There is nothing wrong with you and this is not your fault. {{{Hugs}}}
I hated my unexplained diagnosis. It completely blows my mind that there are we can give a man an erection for 4+ hours but can't figure out what was stopping me from getting pregnant. I wanted something to be wrong so we could fix it.
Glad you'll get to see your man soon (and glad he's ok)
I'm glad your husband is ok. I'm sorry you don't have any answers.
Glad Michael is ok.
I have the same exact situation with my IF other than the PCOS which is supposedly mild. My doctors keep saying.. Why in the WORLD is your ovulation problem THIS BAD?
My lap showed everything amazingly healthy as well. Lovely eh?
We again come to the fact that the main thing we have in common is that damn thyroid. Grrrrrr. I really think that maybe those antibodies are a big problem.
I hearted your blog. See my blog for details!
The unexplained diagnosis aka I don't know is so frustrating. As much as I hate that movies perpetuate the myth that women stop trying and they get pregnant, it does happen. Doctor's don't know and they throw a protocol out there and guess. When I had cancer the treatment was pretty clear, but with infertility the "cure" can range from keep having sex to egg/sperm donor and everything in between. We are still pioneers in this "science" - be proud that you are a warrior and you will survive this!
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