What to post after all this time? I seem to be really bad about posting during breaks, huh? Sorry about that. Hopefully, some of you are still checking.
Michael and I had a great trip to Alabama and Florida for Thanksgiving. The time flew by. Being with my nephew made me both happy and sad. Don't get me wrong, I was never sad to be with him. He's awesome. But late at night, thinking of never having a little person in my house asking me to play Hi Ho Cherry-O every 5 minutes made me sad. Seeing the world through a child's eyes sounds so cliche, but my heart swelled every time Carson would see something and yell "Hey guys, LOOK - it's the MOON!" I never look at the moon with wonder anymore. It's nice to be reminded. I'm thankful for every moment with him.
I think the sadness comes from the fact that I am still having a hard time accepting that I may never be a mother. I guess part of me has to remain hopeful since we are doing another IVF cycle. I have to think it's going to turn out well - but history isn't exactly on my side. If IVF doesn't work, that's it. We're done. have to be hopeful, but realistic. That's a tough balance.
I'm going to an endocrinologist on 12/12 to see about all this thyroid stuff. Cindy (my step-mom) is coming with me. She has all kinds of crazy theories, so I figure I'll just unleash her on the doc. ;-) No, it will be helpful to have another set of ears - and she'll probably think of tons of questions that I would have meant to ask, but didn't. In preparation for this appointment, I've been trying to get my medical records (past thyroid tests) to take with me and in doing so, I found out that VA is not a "right to know" state - meaning I have no right to get my own freaking medical records. Can you believe that? They'll send them to another doctor, but not directly to YOU. Unreal.
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3 comments:
I've been wondering how you've been doing...
I spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew and I find their sense of wonder at the common things in life to be an amazing and bouying force... until I'm left alone to contemplate never having that in my home on a daily basis. I feel ya. Hugs darlin.
I'm dealing with the same "aftermath" from spending time with my family over Thanksgiving.
I hope that we will not only become IVF cycle buddies but also become belly buddies!!
Good luck with next weeks Endo appt.
I check all the time. :)
Wow that SUCKS about the medical records. Thank God in Fla they HAVE to give me my records if I demand them. Most of them just give them to me willingly now before I even ask.
GL with the endo. Thyroid problems suck.
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